Yay! I have assignment, FYP report and quiz. How wonderful! Going to be sleep-deprived as well as having lots of challenges on time and attitude management. Yay! Ok, as usual I am full of crap ands I get crappier when I am stressed. Hahaaz...
WHoa! How fun! ok, enough crapping, leave you with these lyrics from one of my favourite songs ever:

You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

Source: http://www.azlyrics.com/g/groban.html

I am in the why are we here for? Why are we who we are for kind of mood again. This question, I know different religions will have their different explanations and I don't wish to turn this into a religious blog, so well, let's not swell on the topic.
All I know is, there are many things I want done in this short a life and life is short. Nobody really knows when we will go. I want to be able to say, one day, when I am old, that I have lived my life without regrets and in the way I could best live it.
Everyone jiayou ok? And Mel, thanks for the card. Really sweet of you. Really made my day. = )
Back to FYP report.

It is very easy to start chatting or something once we turn on msn...Sometimes I rather put on Appear Offline mode Heez...But anyway, sometimes I dun mind pple bugging me even when I am doing something else cos it helps keep me awake. Sometimes, messenger is the only thing that connects my dear friends and I cos we simply have no time to catch up.
That aside, I won Underworld Evolution poster but I got no time to collect. Who wants just give me a buzz...You can go collect it and keep it. Even if the poster's damn nice, I'm serious...= )
And I realised that I can watch this particular Korean show again and again and again. I forgot the title, they are replaying it on Channel 8. Even though I know the entire story, I still think the "Qiyuan" and the Choi Ji Woo and a very compatible couple, ok, I was studying and taking a break lah...not really watching TV...Dun make me feel guilty...p
Feeling a bit tired cos just had QC quiz.
Ok lah, better settle my FYP report..back to my FYP report...

I almost forgot that I had this knee problem. Went to gym just now to destress, great workout man...Then dunno why the pain in the knees came back when I was busy doing my 462 assignment under air-conditioned environment. Sigh...I thought I no longer have the problem already? Hmmm...maybe old age bah..Hahaz...
Pain especially when I walk...ouch...maybe shouldn't hit the gym haha...
Oh yah, as I was saying, those of you reading this blog, who's interested in reforming the batminton gang we had in sec sch? I miss those days man, almost everyweek we go to different places to play and take turns to book the courts. I was thinking it is a good way to destress from working life and doing something we like right? But maybe make it like a must have kind of thing, so whoever can make it that day will split the cost of the court booking fee...All these after exams lah, but just a thought. Then can set up a yahoo group for the batminton people or something then can discuss next game when.
Yah, got game, my knees will be okay liao hahaz...
And very long never bowl liao...
What am I doing up at 3 am blogging on batminton? No lah, doing assignment and FYP results (edited). Am I going to sleep? Well, with so many others also awake biahing, and with my favourite caffine treat, no problem! = ) Heez
I know we are not supposed to let horoscopes determine our lives but I was reading mine today and it really reflects what I am going through today:
"You seem to be filled with questions, dear Virgo. Some of them are big, some trivial. All you know is that you are completely preoccupied with them and the answers are not readily forthcoming. Don't fret. All that will change by the end of the day. The planetary configurations are such that all the confusing events of recent days suddenly begin to make sense. Your world will once again seem calm and orderly. Enjoy it!"
I suddenly feel this kind of peace right now as I am doing my report. I woke up with a lot of questions but now I suddenly feel this inner peace within me. Hmm......Maybe it is the gym workout, maybe because I learn how things make sense of somethings or ignore those that don't make sense. Well, well...
True ah, why do I bother about trivial issues right? I must know what is trivial and what isn't what...Ok, this blog is full of broken english haa...
The me today is weird, mood swing 180 degrees hmmm...
Ok then, I shall end with the lyrics of this song:
The sun does rise (by the Cranberries)

Nightime has when all was still
Moon shone the way as we climbed the hill
When we arrived we raised our hands
Now the down has come now we understand

The sun does rise in the eastern sky
And love soon comes watch over I

The road was long yes we travelled far
Thought long dark nights without guiding star
Visions of an angel came along the way
Told us "don't be fearful for there comes a brighter day "

The journey's been an epic
Sometimes I've been so down
Stranded in a lonely bar the other side of town
Yes we've travalled day and night for many a poor mile
Now it all makes sense as we see the morning smile.

Ok, 3.15 am
Better sleep if not become insomniac.

What do I really Want to be in a single quote:

Abraham Lincoln:

"Whatever you are, be a good one."

Fine, I admit I think I am getting burnt out. Have been feeling the signs sign months ago but this time no way am I going to let the stress get to me. I will focus and survive. Sometimes, not everyone will understand why I am behaving this way. Why? It is simply because I am lost myself and finding a way out. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
I expect life to get even tougher as we grow up further, but at least at the end of the day, I know I will never hurt the people I love. = )

Well, with the recruitment talks and career fairs around, it is time to settle and see what I want in life. Although still recovering from the loss of a loved one, nevertheless, life has to go on...
So much has happened and I do know what I want ultimately in a job is what. Money is important but it is not the ultimate. I want somewhere I will be happy working in. No point in a job whereby you have to drag your feet to work everyday. I want a job that I can grow and learn and maximise my potential. I am not a must be 9 to 5 person, so working hours are usually not the issue here...I am a sort of workaholic. At the end of the day, as long as it is something I feel a sense of fufilment and I am happy in it, I will stay on in the job happily.
And the search continues...= )

Ok then, must get the optimist out of me. Anyway, crying is bad for the eyes, and will end up looking like a puffer fish. And it doesn't solve anything. Although sometimes we just can't help it. Anyway, I am getting my focus back. Today later got presentation and I gotta prepare for it. I just tell myself that everyone has to die oneday, it is only sooner or later.
On a super positive note, eh... I got tons of work to catch up with and gotta finalise my FYP report asap. And not to mention assignment due. It's a really really busy and eventful sem. Like all other sems. Everything that we undergo is for us to learn from and gain experience. I am a people person who dislikes awkwardness but somethings are really not within my control so I keep telling myself it's nobody's fault.
Okay then, for the time being, don't remind me too much of unhappiness. I really got to get things moving. Like the Madagascar song, "I like to move it move it, you like to move it move it, we like to move it, move it!" Okay, where got people link to some animation cartoon one...ah well...

Title of today's blog: Grief
I know I will never forget my grandma's death aniversary cos it was the day my FYP report'd date was due. What can I say? Hmmm...Although her death was somehow anticipated, I do feel the emptiness inside, especially when I pass by anything to do with her. Why couldn't she wait till she see me graduate? But I tell myself, at least she no longer needs to suffer.
I know I will forever miss my grandmother and she will always be a part of me, a part of my memory. There are so many things I wanted to achieve and let her see, but ah well...
Hmmm...The pain of losing someone you love, and you know will never see again. Ok, I must be strong = ) Life and death comes to all, it is only sooner or later. Tomorrow's 2nd day of wake. Ganbatte = )

Ok dears, here's what happened...My granma is now warded at Tan Tock Seng and put on a drip. At first, when I went to see her on Monday she looked better than when I saw her at the nursing home. But she got worse when I saw her yesterday, her fever came back again. Not the first time I see someone being put on a drip, but this time this one is different, the time is running out. How long, nobody knows. Yah, I know, have to learn how to accept life and death as part and parcel of life. But everything came so unexpectedly in a matter of weeks. Everytime I see my grandmother, the feeling is different. Cos each time she gets weaker and thinner. I wonder what she has done to deserve this. She's those kind of sweet grandma who never hurts others. I really wonder.
My auntie asked me to prepare her photo. I got a shock. My immedate reaction was, for "that" kind of photo ah? Fortunately, it was meant for prayers, not for that kind...
And I actually fell sick cos I have been slogging hard to finish my FYP report and juggling with stuffs. Yah, I took the medication, was prepared to go uni, then fell asleep with my contacts on. All the way till 1 plus. Luckily, my mom asked me to remove them in the midst of my sleep.
Other matters? I am trying not to think so much and focusing on my report. Flashbacks of a lot of matters do come back now and then...whatever...Block. Block. Block.
What do I learn? Seriously, the most important things in life are the two Hs: Health and Happiness. Health people always say that should eat healthy food and exercise. Well, actually, I think happiness plays a part in it too. Too much worry can also cause immune system to break down.
Aiyah, now too stressed to think properly. ArrgghhhH!!! Feel like going to the end of the field and scream it out loud! Yeah! Actually blogging here helps as well hahaz...Ok, next week then worry about weight. This week I have enough stress, I dunno what next week is there for me, but I will overcome. So this entry here shall be my reminder: Anything happens, you have to overcome. At the most you take a day off and cry or relax. But you must your priorities in front okie? See lah, talkng to myself already...the effect of typing FYP report Hahaz...
Oh yah, the rest of you people, enjoy yourself and live life to the fullest! Cos I can't do a lot of things I want to do right now so while you still can, go ahead and like the Nike Slogan: Just Do It!

Life...We learn with each and every passing day, this life that we have...Instead it is so precious. I know anything might happen anytime but I will pull through...I will not think about it but somehow I will and have to prepare myself mentally.
I also learn that true friends are those that wil stand by you come what may, and I appreciate the support from my dear friends. Sometimes, it can be so hard to see your loved one suffer but we must always look on the positive side yah?
I pray, I hope that all will be fine...= )

A day of worry is more exhausting than a year of work; how true that is...Hope all goes well = )

Ok, my granny...Yesterday went to see her, she got fever; her hands were shivering and swollen...It has been hard on me for quite some time already, I know I have to pull through...Some things in life I have lost perspective already but I am forever positive, isn't it? I will survive...Come what may. Give me some moral suport yah?
Ok, why is the emotional side of me popping up ever so often recently? I thought I already said that I should take it easy? Hiaz...Sometimes loving can be so hard...It can be so brittle when you learn how precious life is...Just now watched this cartoon, the cartoon said there's no need to cry cos there is no point in crying. But it's a different thing when you see someone dear to you getting weaker everyday and when you see or hear such stories from other people..When you are in it, it is a different thing, totally different...
Optimistic gal, don't give up = ) I know I won't but it still hurts inside.

Ok, I know I am supposed to think of report and school stuff...but why is this other matter still polluting my mind and why do I keep having nightmares? Is it better to let go then and be free? I seriously have no idea...I'm lost on this one...hiaz, why does it always have to be just before my final exams...Like it was when I was in JC?
I'm seriously very lost and confused...and I try to let it go and not think about it, but I get all sorts of weird nightmares...so scary...
Argghhh....Madame Monseuir (forgot how to spell lah...) wake up your idea and focus on more important stuff can? Argghhh....
I hate myself sometimes...

Moonkate's fairytale world is where the men, the women and the entire animal kingdom all live in peace and harmony. They have unicorns for pets and with a snap of their fingers, the kitchen cleans itself. There is no housework to be done and no dishes to fight over. The pets clean themselves up after they dirty the place. You can eat anything you want without falling sick. Food is delievered just by wishing. Everbody has their own "Flylevator"--a cute forever-friend lookalike bear that has wings and carries a cabin on its back and can ferry you around. The cabin also has its own ipod nano and you can wish for whatever rock star to sit with you at different times of the day. Nobody falls sick, ever and all have eternal life... Ok lah, think I am crapping too far liaoz... Moonkate is basically made of of "Moon"and "Kate"...that is still, one single person... Both are neither alter egos nor good friends...they are just the same person... Moonkate likes to read, go gym, joing yoga classes, swim, drink red wine, and take on challenges. Her friends are just like her, crappy and serious...oooo, contradicting... Hahahaz...

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